Dinglehoppers & Dinosaurs

A One-Act Play

"All characters in the following narrative are fictional, not real - but so are the characters of most of the people I know in real life, so this disclaimer doesn't amount to much" - disclaimer recently used by a Slovene author who may or may not be Slavoj Zizek

James Gibson, Alan Costall, Don Norman, Alan Cooper, and Gerald Torenvliet all decide to stay in for the night, pop some popcorn, get comfy on the couch, and spend a delightful evening watching Walt Disney’s The Little Mermaid. 

Amidst laments over Ariel’s lack of a sassy gay friend, James Gibson jumps from the couch and draws attention to the TV where Ariel has begun brushing her hair with what appears to be a fork. 

James Gibson: See!  Look at the grasp-ability of the handle and comb-ability of the teeth. The object affords combing. That the humans think it’s a “fork” with particular functions is beside the point.  

Alan Costall: (groans) YOU ARE DOING IT. AGAIN.  You can’t create these dualisms where you separate the natural from the socio-cultural. That object is a cultural artifact. It is imbued with social meaning. 

Don Norman: Settle down! Jeez. It’s a fork, yeah, but as a fork it can do a lot of things.

Alan Cooper: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! YOU ARE RUINING THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE. Does that look like a fork? It does, doesn’t it? That’s because it is a fork. One hundred percent fork. End of discussion.

Gerald Torenvliet: (slow clap) Wow, guys. Wow. I can’t believe I’m hanging out with a bunch of shallow mouth-breathers. Jimmy, baby, I’m with you. Forget these guys.

(Gerald reaches for the remote, flips the channels, finds Jurassic Park, and sets the remote back down. The screen shows two children hiding in a kitchen with a velociraptor peering at them through the window of a closed door. The dinosaur proceeds to put his claw on the handle of the door and open it. The heads of all 5 men explode).

Moral of the Story: Jeff Goldblum was right.